I can’t believe that another month has come and gone…but here I am writing my wrap-up to month two of MY Happiness Project.
All in all I think I was pretty successful in achieving my goals! Unlike month one, there were no tangible ways to really measure my success (which sometimes made me feel a little less motivated) but at the end of the day I think I made great strides in trying to be a better partner to Miguel!
And vice versa actually! Seeing my efforts made Miguel feel like he needed to step up similarly and I think it sort of shook us out of our comfort zone.
So how did I really measure up with my month two goals? See for yourself below!
- Quit nagging – I did find myself prodding Miguel at times to work on certain projects, but more often than not I bit my tongue and he actually started to do more on his own because I wasn’t bugging him. It actually made me remember how as a child I would become less motivated to do something when my mom would nag me…hmm, can you say epiphany!?
- Be nicer – Miguel actually acknowledged that I had been doing better with this one, which made me feel really good because it’s been an issue that has come up a few times over the years. Of course, I may have gotten a bit more sarcastic at work to compensate (oops!) but I have definitely become more aware of my actions when we're out with friends.
- Offer small gestures – I was better about this one in the beginning of the month, but I think I’m a lot more aware of how necessary the small gestures are and I’m going to continue to work on making this more of a habit.
- Cook more often – this is another one that I was better about earlier in the month but my schedule is really to blame! Getting home so late at night doesn’t bode well for making dinner and we don’t often eat in on the weekends, but I’m going to try and do better about offering to cook when the opportunity arises so Miguel doesn’t feel like it’s his sole responsibility.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff – I think I’ve done pretty great with this one! While I haven’t been able to fully adopt Miguel’s laidback personality, I have been careful not to burden him with my venting as soon as I walk in the door. It allows us to have more positive time together and leaves room for having conversations about things that really matter, rather than focusing all of our energy on the negatives on the day.
Ironically, Miguel and I have spent less time together during this month than usual.
Do you think that’s why I’ve been so successful with my goals of being nicer and whatnot?? Perhaps, but I’d like to think I’d be doing just as well if we were around each other 24/7…so lets not over think it okay?!
But while our schedules often conflicted this past week especially, we did find time to have dinner out with friends on Saturday – during which I was on my bestest behavior – and then set aside Sunday for a much needed family day, spent relaxing at home with the fuzzy monstahs.
But while I wished we could have spent more of the week together, I know that it’s good for us to have our own space and activities…especially when his are related to growing his company. The time away sometimes makes him feel guilty though so I’ve worked on staying completely supportive so that he feels less stressed by the sacrifice.
In the past I wasn’t always as conscientious about his feelings on the matter and often would make nagging comments that would stress him out. But, in part because of month two’s goals, I have been doing my best to be a very supportive partner because I know this is what he needs to be doing and sometimes a little sacrifice now will bring greater rewards later…and more time for us to hang out together!
The second week of month two has come and gone and I’m still making good progress! While my feeling ‘under the weather’ for the past few days caused me (at times) to be a little grouchy, I tried hard otherwise to be on my bestest behavior and to be a more caring and loving partner.
I refrained from my usual teasing when we went out with friends on Friday and avoided picking on him when we spent Saturday with his family at his cousin’s wedding.
I also continued my trend of Doing rather than Nagging. As a perfect example, tonight I took it upon myself to take care of all the trash, recycling and cleaning in anticipation of hosting friends this weekend. I had kept waiting to do those things because I wanted Miguel’s help with the chores but then realized that I would be happier if it was just done rather than continuing to put it off until I could ask for help. And I am!
And so is Miguel…even if he doesn’t completely know why, ha! He even thanked me during the week for all that I had been doing for him lately and I could tell how much it really meant to him. And it’s all because of how much he means to me!
The first week of month two went by really quickly! And even though Miguel spent a long weekend with his parents, I still found plenty of opportunities to work on my goals…and I think I’m off to a great start!
The best part about doing MY Happiness Project is that I’m always aware of the goals I’ve created, which helps encourage and motivate me to actually accomplish them!
- Quit nagging – even though my nagging is almost reflexive at this point, I’ve been doing pretty good with this one! I’ve started to just DO things (dishes, picking up the living room, cleaning the litter box) rather than asking Miguel to do them and then nagging when they haven’t been done quick enough, because I’ve realized that having them done is more important to me.
- Be nicer – we spent the weekend apart because of Mother’s Day so I didn’t have an opportunity to practice my new etiquette in front of our friends but I am consciously teasing less these days…which is a good start!
- Offer small gestures – this was one of the more tangible goals I had made so it was easier to see my accomplishments over this past week; like surprising him with clean laundry when he got home from traveling and cleaning underneath his sink when I realized it was in desperate need of organization!
- Cook more often – this week we’ve relied on takeout for most of our dinners, but I did step up and make most of my lunches this week, which I could tell was a pleasant surprise for Miguel!
- Don’t sweat the small stuff – I also did great with this goal by purposefully not dumping my frustrations about this week’s terrible commutes on Miguel as soon as I walked in the door at night. And it has actually helped improve my mood when I get home because I don’t walk in ready to vent!
Gretchen Rubin’s second chapter in “The Happiness Project” is all about love and honoring the relationship you are in (and your partner) because “a good [relationship] is one of the factors most strongly associated with happiness.”
While I completely agree with that assessment, I didn't initially think that the second month would prove much of a challenge because the relationship that my boyfriend Miguel and I have is pretty wonderful already.
You see, I have been with Miguel for almost fourteen years. Yes, you heard me right…fourteen years. Some people like to call us high school sweethearts but we actually didn’t officially start dating until immediately after graduating from high school, though our first date was to our senior prom – I asked him!
Don’t get me wrong though; there have been plenty of bumps in the road – especially during the four years I was away at college and the first few after I moved back home to figure out what I was going to do with my life – but through all of the experiences that we have gone through on our own and together, we’ve somehow grown into adults with similar goals and dreams.
But while we have great communication and support one another at every turn, I started to realize the more I read that no relationship is perfect and working on the smaller things (i.e. nagging first and foremost) could have a big impact on us both!
So with all that in mind, I’ve compiled the following five ways that I’m going to work on being a better partner over the next month:
- Quit nagging – on occasion I need to learn to bite my tongue and let Miguel get things done at his pace…not mine
- Be nicer – sometimes my sarcastic teasing can hurt his feelings, especially when I tease in front of our friends, so I’m going to try to be more cognizant of what I’m saying…before I say it
- Offer small gestures – Miguel is wonderful about stopping to get dinner for us after a long drive or going out on a whim to get me something that I need and I want to be better about returning the favor
- Cook more often – since Miguel works from home and likes to cook, he has naturally become the official cook of the house – even making me lunch in the morning (sorry ladies, he is off the market) – but I need to step up and pitch in more often
- Don’t sweat the small stuff – Miguel has the most wonderful, laidback personality and doesn’t let the stresses in life stress him out...and I want to exemplify that more often by adopting a similar attitude rather than always burdening him with my anxiety when I get overwhelmed by life
After coming up with my goals for the month, I can’t wait to get started! Bringing more balance and even more happiness to our relationship is going to be reward enough but I think I’m going to enjoy doing more for Miguel and really showing him how much he means to me.
Do you have any other ideas for honoring your partner and relationship? What would your list look like??P.S. Even before finishing this post, I did my first small gesture by getting off the couch (hard at this time of night) and getting something for him out of the bedroom when he mentioned he needed it. It made me feel good to do that for him because I know that he would normally offer to do the same for me and I'm usually too lazy to return the favor...evidenced by the fact that he looked surprise when I offered to go for him!
