Saturday, July 24, 2010

When I Was 17

Today I watched an episode of "When I Was 17" on MTV. It featured NY Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia and singers Ciara and Debi Nova.

And it made me feel like a giant slack ass.

You see when CC Sabathia was seventeen he was drafted by the Cleveland Indians, Ciara was recording her first music album and Debi Nova moved alone to the US to pursue her own music career.

And you know what I was doing when I was seventeen? I was trying hard not to think past my high school graduation. Unlike the stars on the show, I wasn’t driven by a specific goal or motivated to follow my dreams wherever they would lead me. Instead, I was scared of the unknown that would come after graduation, including leaving my family and friends behind when I went away to college the next year.

And thirteen years later, I feel stuck in that same boat.

I’m unsatisfied at work but scared of the unknown. I feel like I might be on the verge of making something out of Live Love Life Now™ but am dragging my feet out of fear.

I mean, what will I do if this doesn’t work? All my eggs are in this one basket and I don’t have a Plan B.

And every time I see someone take that jump to go after what they want, it makes me feel that much worse. I just want ‘it’ already…though I’m still not sure what it is. But it certainly isn’t the 9-5 grind in NoVa that I’m experiencing right now.

Oh woe is me...

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