When I Was 17

Today I watched an episode of "When I Was 17" on MTV. It featured NY Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia and singers Ciara and Debi Nova.

And it made me feel like a giant slack ass.

You see when CC Sabathia was seventeen he was drafted by the Cleveland Indians, Ciara was recording her first music album and Debi Nova moved alone to the US to pursue her own music career.

And you know what I was doing when I was seventeen? I was trying hard not to think past my high school graduation. Unlike the stars on the show, I wasn’t driven by a specific goal or motivated to follow my dreams wherever they would lead me. Instead, I was scared of the unknown that would come after graduation, including leaving my family and friends behind when I went away to college the next year.

And thirteen years later, I feel stuck in that same boat.

I’m unsatisfied at work but scared of the unknown. I feel like I might be on the verge of making something out of Live Love Life Now™ but am dragging my feet out of fear.

I mean, what will I do if this doesn’t work? All my eggs are in this one basket and I don’t have a Plan B.

And every time I see someone take that jump to go after what they want, it makes me feel that much worse. I just want ‘it’ already…though I’m still not sure what it is. But it certainly isn’t the 9-5 grind in NoVa that I’m experiencing right now.

Oh woe is me...

Quote of the Day

“Stress is the trash of modern life – we all generate it but if you don’t dispose of it properly, it will pile up and overtake your life.” - Danzae Pace

Last week was a daily cycle of working like crazy throughout the day followed by evening obligations that left me feeling exhausted and in need of a good cry and a good night’s sleep.

There was no time for thinking or doing anything besides my day job and I was okay with shelving everything else for a little bit. But in the back of my mind, all of my personal responsibilities started to pile up and not being able to do anything about them added to the already overwhelming stress load on my shoulders.

So this weekend, I cut back on my activities and dedicated most of today to cleaning and organizing my apartment – and therefore my mind – because I’ve come to realize that visual clutter adds to my mental clutter…which then makes it difficult for me to focus on the task at hand. And focus is what I’m going to be in need of this coming week at work.

I also need to bring more focus to my other job. Live Love Life Now™ has been pushed to the side for too long and the stress of inactivity is starting to really weigh on my mind. And I mustn’t let that stress pile up to the point of overtaking my life because Live Love Life Now™ is to be the path to a more fulfilling and satisfying life…one without mass client mailings and obligatory days stuck inside a fluorescent light filled office building.

Hell Week

I’m in the middle of purgatory.

The time has come to undergo the single biggest undertaking in the history of my division…and I’m partly responsible for it’s success.

Needless to say it’s a lot of early mornings, late nights and copious amounts of stress.

It makes me wonder how much I’d get accomplished with Live Love Life Now™ if I could dedicate as much time and energy to something I really wanted to do.

Why do Good Books Have to End?

Have you ever read a book that was so good you would purposefully set it aside just so you wouldn’t finish it too fast?

Have you ever read a book and wondered how the author knew your innermost thoughts?

The first has happened to me quite a few times, but the latter is more rare. “Eat, Pray, Love”1 by Elizabeth Gilbert hit on both levels for me and finishing it this past week left me feeling bittersweet.

I lived vicariously through her writing as she went on a yearlong journey around the world to discover who she was…and I learned a lot about myself right along with her. I felt many parallels to the worries and concerns and self-doubt that she was plagued with and was comforted to know that I wasn’t alone.

So as I neared the end of the book, I wished with all my heart that there would be another hundred pages left to read the next time I picked it up. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case and so the book ended before I was truly ready to disentangle myself from the journey.

Fortunately, due to my lack of retention, I know I'll have many occasions in the future to re-read it again for the 'first time'...and I'm sure I won't want it to end then either.

---

1 “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. Viking Adult, First Edition – February 16, 2006. 352 pages.

Go(ing) Ape All Over Independence Day

I can happily say that I spent the Independence Day holiday weekend declaring independence from my own laziness of years past…as evidenced by my jam-packed schedule:

Friday evening: two hours of sailing on the Potomac followed by a pick-up picnic with my sister and friend. And in case you were wondering, a pick-up picnic is what happens when a picnic table meets a pick-up truck…genius!

Saturday morning: forty peaceful laps in the pool and more reading in my all-time favorite book “Eat, Love, Pray”.

Saturday evening: a lovely night spent at The Barns at Wolf Trap listening to the Gipsy Kings.

Sunday morning: an exhilarating three hours spent in the treetops of Rockville Regional Park with Go Ape! I particularly loved their tagline “Live Life Adventurously”.

Sunday evening: a happy Fourth of July spent with good friends and family eating, playing games and watching the DC fireworks.

Monday: a relaxing day spent sleeping in, reading, swimming and going on a lunch date with my boyfriend.

I end this entry with a message of gratitude for all those who have fought for – and are fighting for – the freedom of this country. Thank you for giving me the freedom to take advantage of all these wonderful opportunities and experiences.

Mid-Week Guidance

There was a man by the name of John Blackman who attended my church where I grew 
up. He had a beautiful voice and occasionally, he would sing a solo. 
Professionally, John was a milkman. Some of you may remember the days when a driver of a milk truck delivered glass-bottled milk to your doorstep and picked up the empties for recycling.

One day, there was a large picture of him in the newspaper and a story about John. John was not just a milkman but he was also a “song” man. Everyday as he went about his route delivering milk, he sang hymns loudly and proudly. Many of his customers were interviewed and spoke about how deeply he touched them with 
his heart-felt renditions of Amazing Grace, In the Garden, and Sweet Hour of 
Prayer. Indeed, it must have been a blessing to hear John’s baritone voice sweetly singing just outside the doorstep two or three times a week as he went about his chores.

John’s real job was not delivering milk. It was delivering hope, comfort and inspiration for those who had ears to hear. He put not only his voice into his 
day; he put his heart into his voice, and he did so without reservation. I doubt if delivering milk was in itself that stimulating or rewarding, but singing hymns all day long obviously was…first for himself and then, for countless others.

I’ve often said the reason we are doing whatever we are doing is probably far different, in reality, than we think it is. We have no idea who’s listening, watching, and learning from our actions. So, no matter what we do, the important thing is to put love into it so that we, and others, receive love from it.1

---

1 Mid-Week Message by Reverend Donna. June 30, 2010.